Alcohol poising leads to the suspension of a fraternity house, which is now effecting university policies.
Three students from Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity were admitted to a local hospital early Sunday morning due to a excessive amount of alcohol consumption.
Press Matin, Al Amalek, and Rob Smith were admitted to the local hospital at different times early Sunday morning. Martin and Smith were released Monday morning, while Amalek, a freshman, is still in critical condition.
People are becoming more concerned these days with drinking at fraternity houses due to the recent deaths at Louisiana State University and Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Alcohol related deaths are making the problem more crucial for the universities to interaction with fraternities.
Two weeks ago University President Harvey Smithville banned alcohol from fraternity houses on campus. “Any fraternity in which the members have alcohol will be immediately suspended,” said Smithville. Jan Mize, the universities public relations department, released information about the suspension lasting for, “About a year.”
With the increased suspicion of alcohol consumption the University might increase its police patrols just to watch fraternity houses.
Interfraternity Council president Bert Addison said, “We wholeheartedly agree with president Smithville that alcohol has no place at fraternity parties.” Addison also added, “I am shocked that this incident has occurred. However I do not believe that the entire fraternity should be held responsible for the actions of a few.”
1. Last paragraph, Interfraternity should be one word, as it is in the Stovall text.
2. In the 4th paragraph, president should not be capitalized according to AP style. However, I too was confused about “President Smithville” when used in a quote as it is in the last paragraph.
3. What do you think is the most important element of the story? Your quotes and main arguements of the story are at the end – remember inverted pyramid style.
1. I like that you tried a different kind of lead, but asking a question and raising a point like that requires that in the story you answer the question and address the point — and I am not sure the facts can do so. You would probably be better off with a straight-news lead.
2. Many typos and misspellings.
3. You keep substituting “where” for “were,” among many other confusing word choices. Read your sentences aloud and ask yourself if they sound correct.
Is this your revision? I can’t tell. Please follow instructions — this was supposed to be a separate, new blog post.
“Alcohol poising leads to the suspension of a fraternity house, which is now effecting university policies.” This sounds more like a headline than a lead, although it’s not a great headline. As a lead it is rough. No who, no when, barely a what. Also “poising” instead of “poisoning,” “effecting” instead of “affecting.” It doesn’t seem like you spent much time on this lead.
Remember your lead should pack detail into 30 words, answering as many of the reader’s questions as possible.